It is God’s perfect will that a Christian home should be at peace. The Church, which is the body of Christ, is composed of men, women, and children from various homes. If the Church, the nation, and the whole world will be at peace, then it must start right from every Christian home.
Unfortunately, the whole society is like hell today because many homes are just the opposite of what God has ordained them to be. So many homes are falling apart from the extent that the falcon no longer hears the falconer. The center of so many homes could no longer hold. Happiness, unity, love, and peace are virtually things of history.
Many homes that started well have ended up speaking divorce in the local courts. The question now is “who is at fault”? Is it God or the people? The problems facing many homes today are giving the youths a double thought about marriage. Many are skeptical about going into marriage because of the nasty experiences they have had concerning many homes that look like dens of lions. However, the fact remains that since marriage is God’s institution and idea, we believe it can still be entered into without much of the nasty and bitter experiences if God is given His rightful position in our choice and planning.
Choosing a Marriage Partner
In Joel chapter 2:28, God promised “And it shall come to pass afterward, that I will pour out my spirit upon all flesh; and your sons and daughters shall prophesy, your old men shall dream dreams, your young men shall see visions”. If there is any time or any generation at all, when this prophecy is being fulfilled, it is this time. We are experiencing the great move of God among our youths. The youth themselves are willing and ready to serve. They are ready to be used by God. When you talk about dedication, they are ready to dedicate their time, money, and other things for the cause of the gospel. They find it easy to forsake all and abandon all material possessions that are not absolutely essential in the spread of the gospel. They do not give only their spare evenings and weekends, but the first place in their lives.
There is one thing however that hinders youths, it is marriage. Here the youth from running starts to walk, then begin to crawl until he finally stops.
To get out the best from our youths, therefore, they must be taught about marriage. In fact, the quality of our life as Christians depend on the quality of our marriages.
Another thing is that many of us fail to pray for our marriages and we are careless about it because we think it is not part of our spiritual experiences. Until you realize this fact, your marriage will never be what God intends it to be.
If a home will be peaceful and blissful, the right partner must be chosen in the first instance. Choosing against the will of God has been the cause of catastrophe in most Christian homes today. A man lamented, “For the first three years of my marriage I never experience peace in my home for a week”. This is typical of many homes today.
Williams W. Orr comments:
The number of tragedies that have sprung from hasty, ill-advised, and God-ignored marriage is sad indeed. Lives that were yielded to God slipped their moorings. Some who were surrendered to God for service on fields lost their vision. Many who were in the center of God’s will lost that place of blessings. I tell you, the choice of your marriage partner is ultra-serious business indeed.
Youths are, therefore, advised to be cautious and careful in making their choice of marriage partner, bearing in mind that for every heaven-conscious Christian, marriage is a life-long affair. At this juncture, we will take some time to discuss some cautions to be exercised in choosing a marriage partner.
Cautions to be Exercised in Choosing a Marriage Partner:
Be of age before you contemplate marriage
Someone has advised that no lady should think of marriage unless she is 18 years above. The Bible does not set any age standard for marriage. I also do not insist on any. We should however know that marriage is meant for adults and not for children. It is mature partners that can make up mature marriage because the two of them will be able to think, plan, and work successfully together.
Do not base your choice on money/wealth
Some youths do as much as buy cars, television sets, radio sets, and so on before they contemplate marriage. There is nothing wrong with it. However, it is wrong for young people to base their choice of life partners on wealth. No amount of wealth can buy happiness and peace into a married life unless the couples are married in the will of God. I know of millionaires who have divorced themselves. Sisters who refuse to marry unless they see a man with a car or with a fat pay pocket should be advised.
Henry and Phyllis Ogbonnaya comment:
Wealth is not permanent but the will of God is permanent, if marriage is based on the will of God then such marriage should be: For better, for worse, for riches, for poverty, in sickness, and in Health, until death does us apart.
But the couple will part ways when there is no money if the motive of choice is wealth.
According to Pastor Tunde Bakare in his television ministration of December 29th, 1996, there are some things that money cannot do. There are some problems that money cannot solve: for instance.
- Money can buy man, but cannot buy the spirit
- Money can buy a bed, but cannot buy sleep
- Money can buy food, but cannot buy appetite
- Money can buy a house, but cannot build a home
- Money can buy medicine, but cannot buy health
- Money can provide good educational facilities, but cannot buy brain
- Money can buy exotic perfume, but cannot remove body odor
- Money can buy a Bible, but cannot buy salvation
- Money is not the answer to everything in the whole wide world
Do not base your choice on education
Let me quickly say it loud and clear that there is nothing bad about being well educated in one’s field of choice. These days the slogan has been whatever you do you should be the best. There is nothing wrong with improving one’s standard of education even before marriage. However, education cannot play a substitute for God’s will. Trying just to hook a young man or a lady because he or she is highly educated may lead people outside the will of God.
Do not base your choice on high spiritual attainment
Do not look for a spiritual giant. The little David might be God’s will for you. But do not marry a lukewarm Christian who will make you drawback in the things of the Lord. Someone has described a lukewarm Christian as one who makes God Vomit. Rev. 3:14-16. I knew of some brothers and sisters who were very strong in the youth ministries, prayer, choir, and Sunday school. As soon as they got married to lukewarm Christian partners they also became lukewarm. However, do not marry a person simply because he or she takes part in all church activities. Look well before you leap.
There must be a mutual agreement
There should be a mutual agreement between the couples on common Christian standards and doctrines. Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so? Amos 3:3. What sort of agreement?
Beware of love at sight
Marriage should not be based on beauty. If we base our choice of a young man or a lady merely on physical appearance, when the wrinkles of old age begin to surface, or any scar occurs on the skin, then we become fed up and tired of the one we once admired. Someone has said that while searching for a life partner one should be all eyes. This is important because one cannot live peacefully with a person one has not accepted all-around, including his or her physical features. However, one can look for such things as cheerfulness, patience, industry, and kindness that would withstand the test of time and circumstances of life.
Have an assurance of God’s will
Many people confuse God’s will with their own pre-determine will. This they choose for themselves and ask God to affix His rubber stamp. This is wrong Rom 12:2. The simple fact is that if you cannot follow God today, don’t expect Him to lead you tomorrow.
God’s leading and will in choosing a partner is very important since it is the will of God that a partner must be able to sharpen the life of the other partner and his or her heart from sin to righteousness. One’s companion should be one who will make it easier for someone to love, serve, and obey God in prosperity and adversity. It should be known that divorce and re-marriage are not allowed for candidates of heaven. Rom 7:2; Mk. 10:9.
How You Shouldn’t Expect God’s Will?
- Giving God a standard
- Mere dreams and visions – Eccl. 5:7
- Moving from one sister/brother to another, saying “the Lord says” – James 1:7
- Fleece method – Judges 6:36-40
- Following the examples of other brethren
God has His own way of speaking to you. Be sincere when He speaks – John 10:4-5
How Can One Choose According To God’s Will?
Do not be unequally yoked
2 Cor 6:14-19; Amos 3:3; Prov. 27:17
You should marry someone with whom you share a common faith. He or she should be a Christian and not an unbeliever. One should learn lessons from the case of Samson and Solomon. Judges 16:1-22; 1Kings 11:1-18; Deut. 7:3,4. When a believer marries unbeliever he or she transgresses the law of God and, “the way of the unfaithful is hard” Prov. 13:15. Be not unequally yoked with unbelievers.
King Ahab would probably have been a wise leader if he had not married jezebel the Zielonian who led him to the worship of Baal and advised him to commit wickedness against his subjects, including the prophets of God (1Kings 16:29-33; 19:1-3; 21:1-27). Abraham was very careful in selecting a wife for his son Isaac (Gen 24:1-4) Isaac was also careful in selecting wives for his sons Jacob and Esau (gen 28:1-2). Your local assembly may be your first point of contact before you begin to look elsewhere.
Yield yourself to God in prayer
It is one thing to marry from among the believers but is another thing to marry the correct person among the believers. Yielding one’s life to prayer will enable one to select the right partner within the Christian fold. Abraham’s servant did just that. He already knew where to get a wife for his master’s son, but he prayed to get the correct wife in the place. Gen 24:9-27. Start praying for the right choice now!
Be in the right relationship with God
There is only one place where your super partner can come from, and that is from heaven. He or she must be sent by God to you. Not just a wife or a husband, but ‘the wife’ or ‘the husband’ specially for you. God is ready to give you that but before He can do that you must be in the right relationship to Him. Make yourself a child of God and make God your father. Be close to Him always. You can be sure this Father will always want the best for you. (1Cor 6:19-20; Rom 12:1; Prov. 3:5-6).
You need to realize that as a born again Christian, you have acquired a new father, a Heavenly Father, one who is all-powerful, all-wise, and wonder of wonders…. all-loving. This heavenly Father will guide your life, completely and minutely. His infinite wisdom will be at your command, His incomparable guidance and advice will be available to you. In every question of your life, you may feel free to call upon Him. IS THAT NOT WONDERFUL?
Other ways of choosing according to God’s will include:
- Read Christian books and attend marriage seminars.
- Move-in the right circles.
- Do not discount people at first sight.
- Do not make yourself unattractive.
- Do not be too eager.
- Do not be super-spiritual
- Do things naturally, be yourself
- Don’t be inaccessible
Many have had wonderful ways of God’s revelation by dreams, visions, and prophecy or signs of various dimensions. One thing is sure; when you put yourself in the center of God’s will, He will direct your footpath.
Hudson Taylor once said, “Our heavenly father reserves the very best for those who leave the choice with Him.”
Finally, live a sanctified life free from sins, pray without ceasing and seek Him through His Word, and in so doing keep your heart open to his guidance. In due time, His will be perfected in your life.
Remain blessed as you make your right choice.