There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under heaven. A time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to uproot. (Ecclesiastes. 3:1-8). If there is time for everything, it follows that excerpt in the area of celibacy and/or continence; there is a time for marriage.
Odunze, as quoted by JoeJacobs writes:
When one is of age, he naturally comes to the time when biological development will make him desire to marry. The desire to marry could be the by-product of sexual desires or the need to raise a family.
This fact has always led the delayed marriageable youths to strive at changing this odd condition of life. They know that there is a time to marry, a time to give in marriage, and a time to die.
Brothers and sisters who attain a marriage age and yet remain unmarried always feel unhappy. They know there is a vacuum. They know God created all animals and men in pairs. So they feel incomplete and inadequate to stay alone. The more they decide to bear this, the more it becomes unbearable. Yet the longer one delays in getting married the more difficult it becomes in getting married.
we therefore need to look into the various causes of delayed marriage and suggest some necessary way out.
The Will of God Concerning Marriage
Before going into discussing the causes, consequences, and cure for the unprofitable delay in marriage, we must know the will of God concerning marriage.
– God is the one that instituted marriage and he performed the first wedding in the garden of Eden (Gen 2:18-21)
– Consequently, it is the will of God that every marriageable people should get married because
Loneliness is Bad (Gen 2:18)
Loneliness does not mean solitariness. You can live with your parents and still feel lonely. You can live among friends and still feel lonely. A companion is needed to fill a vacuum in your life, fill up deficiencies to achieve adequacy that your life needs. Campbell puts it this way
Man is not complete in himself. The woman is his complement, filling up his deficiencies. She is strong where he is weak, And weak where he is strong. And together they form one complete whole…..
A person who is physically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, socially, financially, and materially mature, but cannot settle down in marriage will constantly feel inadequate.
This is what Mumford sees when he writes
“God created us with inadequacies both male and female, but when the two meet, true adequacy may be achieved… These constitute two different halves… They are arranged to make one complete whole”
Prevention of immorality
Marriage will enable youths to live a pure life and prevent them from fornicating and committing all forms of immorality
Raising Godly Children.
Marriage is, therefore ordained by God and honorable among men. That is why your wedding day is supposed to be your happiest day, a day when your missing part is recovered.
Causes of Unprofitable Delay/Lateness in Marriage
Unprofitable delay in marriage can be caused by any or a combination of the following
Manipulation of Household Wickedness (Ephesians 6:12)
Household wickedness is one singular reason why most black people are in trouble today, many people after look for their enemies outside when in fact they are inside. The household enemy has bound and manipulated the destruction of many. Once the enemies discover that your success and breakthrough in life is attached to your marriage, they will make all efforts to frustrate or even obstruct your marriage
Spirit Husband And Spirit Wife
Spiritual husband or spiritual wife operates in the non-physical. It is spiritual to the core, no dowry is paid as bride price, nor do any physical wedding take place between two of them. Powers operating behind such marriage are demonic, not of God. The primary motive of a spiritual husband or wife is to hijack and destabilized the marriage of his or her victim. They are star hijackers and very furious against legal matrimonial homes. They are tormentors and destroyer of marriage. They are spiritual prostitute who never pays or receives payments for their acts.
Covenant with spiritual husband/wife are entered into through any or a combination of the following:
– Acceptance of satanic gift ignorantly collected from unfriendly friends. Once such a gift is accepted, a spiritual bond is entered into, unknown to the recipient.
– Ignorantly accepting a demonic statement about oneself.
You ladies, if an old man is calling you “my wife, my wife”, watch it. You better reject it outright, else you may enter into an unknown covenant, leading to serious hunting for a husband in the future. The same warning goes to boys.
Other Evil Effect Of Spirit Husband/Wife Are:
– Barrenness: miscarriages, barrenness, and even untimely death of a mother or the baby are common features of marriages troubled by spiritual husband and spiritual wife.
– Broken Home: due to constant quarrel, harassment and embarrassment, marriage tormented by spiritual husband or wife do end in break up
– Evil Children: children raised in the course of a marriage afflicted by spiritual husband or wife are exposed to dangers of affliction, which may end them up as possessed children and miscreants in the society. Peace doesn’t reign in such homes but problems.
Symptoms of Spiritual Husband or Wife
– Constant loss of money
– Whispers that are not of Christ
– Finding oneself in strange places like river, ocean or forest
– If you have one wedding in the dream even before you wed physically
– Constant harassment with sex or romance in the dream etc.
Ways Out Of The Net Of Spirit Husband/Wife
– Be willing to break the relationship
– Confess what you are passing through to a right minister of God for prayer and counsel
– Undergo deliverance which must be backed up with violent and aggressive prayer with dry fasting
Curses and Jinxes
Someone who is under a curse, known or unknown by parent or jilted friends may be experiencing marriage delays. Some parents have place curses upon their children unknowingly through the misuse of tongue some ladies and gents have collected money and materials from the opposite sex which they have made marriage covenant. Jilting such people may cause a curse leading to difficulties in getting married. There is a need for restitution and the reverse of the curse.
A boy or girl that has subjected himself/herself to reckless sexual life may find it difficult to get a wife or a husband. The bible enjoins the purity of life and that sex is only lawful after the wedding. (Heb 13:4) Solomon describes virginity as “A garden locked up” and must remain locked up until after the wedding. The garden is only expected to be unlocked on the night of the wedding (S.S. 4:12).
Youths are enjoined never to arouse or awaken love before the appropriate time. (S.S 2:7, 3:5, 8:4). “Flee from sexual immorality” 1 Cor 6:18. If you find it difficult to spend your youthful life responsibly, you will find it difficult to get a responsible partner to marry.
Some boys and girls are over selective. Their choice and tastes are high. This is born out of pride and unwillingness to accept the will of God for their lives. Such people always stay long at the bus stop of searching for who to marry.
Holier Than Thou Attitude
Some youth consider it unholy to even speak to the opposite sex. Consequently, they try to live a solitary life, sitting alone, reading alone, eating alone, and doing everything alone. God is interested in relationships, holy relationships. Many have lost good opportunities as a result of this holier than thou attitude. Please be aware!
Evil Communication (1 Cor 15:33)
Someone says, “Show me your friend and I will tell you the type of person you are”. The kind of company that you keep, the type of cloth you put on, the type of places you go to can affect your future life as far as marriage is concerned. At this junction, you need to check yourself if the friends you keep or the club you belong to is already affecting your marital life.
I Don’t Care Attitude To Neatness
Some youths don’t care about neatness. Unkept hair, unwashed cloth, untidy rooms, and what have you, made many to lose great opportunities. Some are not even destined to be where they are, but because of their dirtiness, they are confined to their local environment haunting for a future partner that will never come. Keep yourself neat at all-time neatness is not synonymous with extravagance or flamboyance. Maintain whatever you have. Decent people want to marry decent people.
Norms, Tradition and Tribal/Ethnic Discrimination
The traditional of some people forbid their youth to go in marriage with a person from another tribe or town or state or race. This has caused a lot of delay in marriage for some youths who find it difficult to find the will of God for them in their town or among their people.
Consequences of Unprofitable Delay in Marriage
Like any other phenomenon in life, delay in marriage has its consequences. Under normal circumstances, a girl should be at least 21 and a boy should be 25 before getting married. But if for one or all of the reasons stated above, a girl attains the age of 30 and a boy 35 and yet unmarried, or has not secure marriage partner, it will have some serious consequences. Some of the consequences are listed hereunder:
– Shame and frustration. Ridicule, expensive jokes, and jesting. At times receiving hot questions from mockers
– Confusion and lack of joy of a child of God
– Feeling rejected by God and not belonging to the circle of the fulfilled people
– The tendency to degenerate from spiritual lukewarmness to coldness and later backsliding and apostasy
– If care is not taken it can lead to idolatry, consulting other gods for help.
– The tendency to try to satisfy sexual urges through ungodly acts such as homosexuals, lesbianism, incest, bestialism, masturbation, etc. as a result of frustration.
– Prostitution and worldly in apparel, make-ups, and association
– The tendency to fall into a wrong hand as a result of the inability to endure the crisis of the delay
– Heart attack and untimely death as a result of a series of jilting experiences
– The tendency to begin to attribute the cause of one’s predicament to innocent persons
– Cost of worry and concerns of caring parents whose pressure can also compound the problem of the victim
– The tendency to begin to go from church to church and from fellowship to fellowship
Cure For And Prevention Of Delay In Marriage
An adage says, “Prevention is better than cure”. In this section both prevention and cure shall be tested together. Some of the preventive and curative measure against lateness or delay in marriage are as follows
Pray Yourself Through.
Luke 18:1; James 4:7; 1 Thess 5:17
Children of God should get it right that Satan is the cause of most problems that prevent marriageable youth from fulfillment. Satan is the one manipulating household wickedness to attack the children of God. You need aggressive prayer against all anti-progress forces. You need to push (pray until something happens).
– Pray prevention prayers (Matthew 6:13). This prayer will prevent you from entering the arena of Satan
– Pray protection prayer (Mattew 26:41). This prayer shall protect you against the attack of the enemies on your destiny and marital life.
– Pray rebuking prayer (Jude 9) Michael did not dialogue with the Devil. Rather he cried out. The Lord rebukes you
– Pray confrontational/offensive prayer. (Psalm 35). Prayer that is an open confrontation with the enemies
– Pray dismissal prayer. (Mat 4:10). Prayer releases the power of light that causes the enemy to flee. Prayer that dismisses the enemies and scatters their gathering. Prayer that will cause separation between you and spirit husband/wife.
– Pray deliverance prayer (Rom 7:24: mat 16:16-20). Prayer to bind and to lose. Prayer to put down the stronghold of the enemy and set you free. Prayer that loses your chain and sends all arrows back to the sender. Prayer that will reverse every curse and nullify enemy evil covenant.
All prayers concerning marriage must start as from the age of 12 (parent should note this)
1 Cor. 6:9; 18; Col 3:5; Job 31:1; Prov. 6:25-26
Holy and pure life is a good antidote against delay in marriage. Every responsible person is looking for a decent and responsible person as a marriage partner. When you preserve yourself blamelessly, you are preserving your future and your marriage
1 Pet 5:5-6; Luke 18:14
Over –selectivity is a by-product of pride. Proud people are enemies of God. (James 4:6). It takes a humble mind to accept whatever is the will of God. Some are full of making suggestive requests to God. Allow God’s will to be done. Be humble. (Prov 3:34).
Avoid Bad Companies
1 Cor. 15:33
Watch what company you keep
Watch what cloth you wear
Watch which place to you go.
Watch what you look at.
Watch what you think and
Watch what you say.
Pay Attention to Neatness
Neatness and good health go together.
Engage Yourself in the Lord’s Service
Your condition notwithstanding, engage yourself in the service of the Lord, choir, Sunday school teaching, prayer warrior, evangelism, etc. In the cause of that, you will get fulfillment
Don’t Be Tribalistic
Be Christian conscious of your choice. Parents are to be watchful in this area.
Don’t Give Up
Some people instead of being hopeful; will resign to fate and begin to do that which is against God’s will. Keep on in the race. The Lord understands. It shall be well
Delay is just a condition but never a “conclusion”. No word of God shall lack the power of fulfillment. God’s words are always backed up by authority and we know his word cannot return to him. We serve a God that “cannot lie” (Heb 6:18). His dreams, vision, and word concerning our lives will surely come to pass. God has a man for every woman and if you feel that for one reason or the other you have lost God’s will for your life, don’t lose hope. Don’t forget that for every Vashti there is an Esther.
The Bible says “In His time God made all things beautiful (Eccl 3:12). The God that makes all things beautiful will step in your situation, break down every wall of partition between you and your God-ordained partner (Eph. 2:14), and gather you by his Spirit (is. 34:16). Our God is faithful. He never comes late.